Here’s a treat for everyone. Hope this makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, if nothing else.
10. Inspector Gadget
9. Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers
8. Super Mario Brothers Supershow
7. Hong Kong Phooey
6. Goof Troop
5. Duck Tales
4. Tiny Tunes
2. Gummy Bears
1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This may contain spoilers.
So, I’ve been playing Dragon Age Origins 2 for a little over a week now. Yeah, I know I’m late to the party. Despite all the things that people didn’t like about that game, I’ve noticed there’s one thing they definitely got right.
You see, all the women in the game are finicky and very hard to understand. I’m not really sure how to get along with any of them, and all of them hate me. They’re not very clear on where their morals are or what they’re hoping to accomplish. It’s all very confusing.
First there’s Merrill. Merrill is some elf chick (Dalish) who decides to pack up and leave her people behind and come with you, and you’re not really sure why, but you agree and everything is cool for a while. Well, after you hang out with her for a little while you learn she’s using blood magic, magic involving demons, but it’s totally cool because she knows she she’s doing and totally has it under control. She’s actually pretty easy to get along with, mostly because she’s such a dork and isn’t used to people talking to her. But eventually you find out later in the game that the reason she’s leaving her people is because she wants to rebuild an ancient mirror that killed a few people and may be possessed by demons. While the nerdy elf’s fetish with the dark side is a bit of a turn on, it still sounds like a bad idea to fuck with more demons, so I tell her it’s a bad idea. Now she hates me forever. Absolutely no rationality behind this at all. Just “I thought I could trust you. Never talk to me again.”. The bitch.
Then you have Aveline. In the beginning of the game Aveline’s husband dies and she’s all sad. Then, later she becomes captain of the guard and forgets about this guy and moves on. Despite your best efforts, she’s going to fall for some scrub guard, which you’ll be asked to play a part in their courtship. You can either help her hook up with some other dude, or say you’d rather not and she’ll hate you for it. And any time you want to help mages or fight against templars who are going about things all wrong, she’ll hate you for that too. You have to do everything by the book with this one, even though it’s cool for her to hook up with one of her subordinates in her office while you stand outside the door.
Last, there’s Isabella. Isabella is a former pirate captain who is searching for some artifact, in spite of the fact that she has absolutely no idea what it might be. She just knows she needs it because it’s a thing she doesn’t have. She totally is opposed to slavery, but mention trying to free mages who are being held against their will and she hates you for it. Hooking up with her seems impossible. If you hit on her she’ll flirt a bit, and she even mentions the possibility of a kiss if you ever help her find her missing relic. This doesn’t stop her from constantly hitting on every other guy in the game. Specifically the freakish warrior Fenris, who used to be a slave. She even asks him how his “magic fisting trick” works, and tells him he could make some pretty good coin off of it, and constantly picks on Hawke’s sister for being a virgin.
What’s funny though is that no matter what I do to the guys, as long as I’m clear with my intentions and I’m trying to do the right thing they all still like me. I in fact have more romantic opportunities come up with Fenris than with all the girls combined. Too bad I’m a total ladies man, even if they all hate me. It’s so much like real life, it’s scary. Bioware really hit the nail on the head when creating their female characters.
Holy shit. I want this now.
10. Race Wars – mc chris
Mc chris never disappoints. He’s never been afraid to be himself and just write music for whatever is on his mind. His ability to do that allows him to create music that’s just plain fun. Add in the pop culture relevance, and it’s a formula for win. The skits in this one are definitely my least favorite, and really just annoy me. The music is some of the best he’s done since Eating’s Not Cheating. All with the exception of Kleptomaniac, which is a song I just can’t stand.
9. England Keep My Bones – Frank Turner
Frank Turner is one of my favorite artists, and any of his other albums would have been in my top 5, easily. He missed the mark a bit with this one. It could have something to do with how quickly he’s been turning out albums recently. Or maybe he’s just running out of inspiration now that people know who he is. This is still a great album, but leaves me wishing he would take a step back.
8. Agitations – Cobra Skulls
This album is nothing but fun. It’s getting harder for punk rock to just appeal to me the way this album does, but it’s a good time and well written too. It’s a little bit different from previous Cobra Skulls albums in the sense that it’s a little more upbeat and fun. It reminds me of some old Youth Brigade stuff that I used to listen to.
7. The Rip Tide – Beirut
This band came out of nowhere, it seems, even though they’ve been putting out albums since 2006. All of a sudden though everyone knows who they are, and everyone enjoys them. This is a great cd to just relax to. It’s not all too uplifting at all. The band is very, very talented though, and create a very unique experience that’s really enjoyable and great to listen to before falling asleep, as almost every song sounds like a poetic lullabye.
6. Hurricane Season – Dan Andriano and the Emergency Room
Dan Andriano is my favorite half of Alkaline Trio. I was pretty excited to hear what this album was going to sound like. Overall I’m pretty happy with it, but I feel like the song writing is as one dimensional as his voice. That certainly doesn’t make it a bad album, because it still manages to be pretty good and have a few really good songs. It would just be nice to see Dan try some new things some time soon.
5. 12 Desperate Straight Lines – Telekinesis
I loved the last two Telekinesis releases so much that I had high expectations for this one, and usually when that happens you end up being very let down. This album too the best parts of the previous albums and turned them up a notch. Unlike the previous albums this one doesn’t have any of the slower, more melodic music. It’s full of the fun indie stuff that Telekinesis does so well.
4. Resolutions – Dave House
I like the Loved Ones, but I don’t love them. So I really wasn’t sure how much I was going to like this album, featuring the band’s lead singer and an acoustic guitar. It’s great though, and I’m really happy I gave it a try. The album is full of songs that are fun and easy to relate with. It’s really easy to be in the mood for this album no matter how I feel, and that’s what makes it one of my favorites.
3. Damnesia – Alkaline Trio
This album caught me by surprise, because I really wasn’t expecting much from this album at all. If you haven’t heard it, Damnesia is mostly just acoustic re-recordings of Alkaline Trio’s most popular songs. The songs, however, gain a whole new feel this time around, and the feeling they give is great. The week this album came out I defined Damnesia as the act of falling so in love with an album that you forget to listen to anything else for an extended period of time.
2. The People’s Key – Bright Eyes
This album is great, and not just because it’s a Bright Eyes album and Bright Eyes is my favorite band. It’s also just the most mature and well put together album the band has ever put out. It’s a very diverse album with a lot of feeling and emotion in it that sometimes makes it a little hard to relate to. It’s still very fun and is the perfect go to album when I’m feeling a little crappy and need something heavy to listen to.
1. Elsie – The Horrible Crowes
Brian Fallon of Gaslight Anthem has an amazing voice. He can sing better than probably any other punk rock vocalist, and can write some pretty amazing songs.He decided at some point that he wanted to start a side project that sounded a little bit more like Tom Waits. I can’t exactly say that’s what it sounds like, but it does sound damn good. It’s really mature, and at times heavy, but at times fun.